It’s 1 in the morning and I’m sitting on the floor on this guy’s bedroom floor, with my phone in my hand leaving messages to close friends while I contemplate leaving or staying. So I look back to his 6'1" (185 centimetre) snoring body laid on his twin-sized bed and decide to leave as I sneak out with my shoes and jacket as quietly as I can.
It’s those ten minutes while waiting for the car to arrive and messaging a good friend that creates this adrenaline and disappointment I knew I should’ve expected when I took an hour and a half bus and metro travel to go see him.
So while I was sitting in the car, a lot of thoughts came into my mind, like how I would take late car rides with a guy who I assumed would become one of my long time best friends in the future but isn’t anymore and the things this guy was sloppily telling me as he was dazed and tipsy from the weed and beer he put together in his body.
There’s the Law of Attraction method, where releasing the type of energy and desire one wants out there into the world will somehow reflect the same way back through various parts of their lives, whether it’s financially, mentally, educationally, and/or romantically. So I guess this Law of Attraction really bit my ass when it came to this guy I thought I was hitting off with.
After many posts I’ve written here, a lot of my complaints have been towards my unemployment and my lack of motivation because of it. I blame not having a stable job that’ll allow me to somehow feel this urge to start creating and appreciating my life as it’s supposed to be, so I push away small bits of happiness I should instead be allowing to let in, which also includes a healthy dating life.
A really good friend of mine told me she wasn’t ready to start dating unless she had a good-paying enough job and had everything else under her control and I now finally understood that after quitting my job and moving back in with my parents. These disappointing decisions which led me here started to hinder possibilities and satisfaction I’m sure at the moment that can lead to a much more positive outlook on the current situation I’m feeling.
So when this guy started to tell me that dating is the worst possible thing for him to go through because then it’ll stop him from achieving his goals in his life, the person I am currently now just hit me straight in the face. He was speaking to me directly and I knew that was the perfect time to get my shit together.
I didn’t need to blame distractions such as potential romantical relationships or my own disappointment towards still living with my parents, I just need to actually start achieving my goals.
If a potential romantical relationship was going to rise and feelings were mutual between the other person and me, who am I to stop these emotions from growing? If I’m going to live with my parents until it’s safe and my guilt lessens enough to leave them during this global pandemic, who am I to stop myself from doing what I need to do to personally grow?
The only person stopping me from doing whatever it is in life will and has been me. No messed up guy would be able to do that (quoted from another good friend).
So the guy did call me, actually called about three times and I could see that he is genuinely into me but then it gives me an even stronger reason to take my aspirations seriously.